Stop the Abuse Cycle

Abusive Relationships - A Step by Step Guide to Stopping the Cycle

By Michelle T Green


If you're in an abusive relationship (your partner is physically or verbally abusive), then I know how miserable you must be feeling most of the time. Even when things are good, you feel afraid that he's going to snap any second, and yet again you will be faced with another session of abuse from him.
So many women all over the world endure this kind of treatment, and many put up with it for years - and sometimes for the rest of their lives!

You probably know as well as I do, that it's not a simple case of just packing up and leaving him. It's much more complex than that. In fact, you've probably asked yourself what you're still doing there, time and time again, right?
Your life doesn't have to be this way though, and it is my hope that this article will give you some food for thought, and some hope, that you can finally live a happy and carefree life.
In any abusive relationship, your safety and that of your children (if you have any) must be your top priority. I cannot stress this enough.
Now I'm not going to tell you to stay with him and work it out. I'm also not going to tell you to run and never look back. Whatever you do, it must be totally YOUR decision.
Here are some questions to get you thinking about what you really want:
1. Do you still love him?
2. If you could, would you like to work things out with him and end this cycle of abuse?
3. Do you want your life to stay like it is now, for the rest of your life? If not, how much is it worth for you to change it?
4. If you have children, do you think your living environment is healthy for them?
5. What would your life be like if you were no longer being abused?
Really think about these questions, because they're important. And start thinking about what you DO want your life to be like! Often, making the decision about whether to stay and work things out, or to go and never look back, is the hardest step of all.
So let's assume you've decided to stay, seeing as leaving your abusive partner should end things immediately. Staying while ending the cycle of abuse will definitely require a LOT of effort from you, but it will definitely be worth the effort if you still love your partner.
Remember, all of these tips are being offered while assuming your physical safety isn't compromised.
So here are some things you can start doing, starting now, to break the cycle of abuse:

1. Whenever he says/does something abusive, walk away. Tell him it "feels bad" to be spoken to or treated that way. And walk out of the room. Don't yell, don't make accusations. Don't use the word "you" either.
2. Put your focus on YOU. Stop trying to work out what he's thinking and what he's doing. Look after you and how you feel. Do nice little things for yourself on occasion - even something as simple as a long relaxing bath!
3. Focus on your partner's good points as much as you can.
4. Show appreciation and acknowledgement to your partner for even the little things he does.
5. Men like it when you show true admiration for something they've done. Who cares if it goes to his head? If he feels good about himself, he's less likely to do things which make you feel bad. Don't go overboard!
6. Stop stuffing down your feelings. If you feel bad, tell him so - don't bottle it in. And remember the tips in #1 above!
7. Regularly visualise how you would like your relationship to be. Focus on this.
8. Men like to give and to nurture their partners. Let him do that for you if he chooses to. And thank him and show appreciation when he does.
9. Always be authentic! Never tell him everything's OK when it's not. Never pretend to be OK when you're not. You don't have to throw accusations at him, but instead, if you feel sad, say you feel sad! If you feel angry, then say that you feel angry.
10. Give this process time. You may notice subtle changes very quickly, but you can't expect this to be an overnight process.

These are only a tiny portion of what you can do to break the cycle of abuse, but they're a good start and the beginning of a way to learn how to do things differently.
Some of these tips are focused on you, because once you begin to feel better about yourself and your confidence and self esteem raises, you will notice that he will also change as a result.
What you've done up until this point hasn't worked, so it's time to do something different to change your results - starting NOW!
If you're desperately in need of a confidence boost, then here's what you must do now...
Sign up straight away for your free copy of Boost Your Confidence Today!, which will take you through the first steps towards achieving a wonderful, fulfilling and successful life!
If your confidence or self esteem is holding you back, you will not fix things until you change what you've been doing in the past. Visit http://selfconfidence101.com for more tips and strategies on how to boost your confidence and self esteem.

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