Abusive Teen Dating Relationships

Abuse In Teen Dating Relationships - Friends of the Abused and Abuser

By Linda Eagle Culbreth


Before you get into a serious dating relationship, you need to ask the following questions regarding friends. My husband has often said that "you either are or will soon be like your friends." He's right about that and a lot of other things as well.


One for sure consideration is what do you do when you are friends of someone who you may believe is in an abusive relationship. Friends of the couple are usually aware of the abuse and may be drawn into the abusive situation. Since most teens talk to other teens about their problems, here are some tips:

Do not ignore signs of abuse. Talk to your friend. You can always express your concerns and tell your friend if you are worried and why. Offer support to your friend and do not judge your friend.

Many people in abusive relationships lose the ability to recognize their own abilities and gifts and strengths. Encourage your friend to confide in a trusted adult and even offer to go with them. Can you talk with the victim's parents? You can also find out what laws in your state may protect your friend from the abuser. 

SUPER IMPORTANT: Never put yourself in a dangerous situation with the victim's partner and do not try to mediate or otherwise get directly involved. Always call the police if you witness an assault and always tell an adult such as your school principal, a parent, your guidance counselor, or school resource officer, if you suspect the abuse but do not witness it.

Now, here are the questions you need to ask
1. Do you have any close friends or family members you know I will object to or not get along with?
2. Who and why?
3. How do you think that will affect our relationship?
4. After we get married, do you think close friendships with the opposite sex should be curtailed or at least re-evaluated?
5. How do you feel about me maintaining my friendships after we get married?
6. Can friendships be maintained without contact or sometimes hanging out with someone?
7. Can you be civil to all my friends, even the one or ones you don't particularly like?
8. Do you have any friends that you think are trying to sabotage our relationship?
9. Why?
10. Would you reconsider our relationship and especially our wedding if one or more of the people we ask to be groomsmen or bridesmaids refuse because they don't like one of us?
11. Do you believe your single friends can give you the best marriage advice?
12. If someone says not-so-nice-things about me to you or in your earshot, what will you do?
13. Do you like to have company over?
14. Do you like to go to other peoples' houses?
15. What kind of things do you like to do with other folks?

This article copyright 2008 by Linda Culbreth. You may freely reprint this article as long as you use exactly like it is with no changes, additions, or omissions, including the resource box.
Linda "Eagle" Culbreth is a speaker and the author of Date a Hero, Not a Zero and other works which may be found at [http://www.eaglesport.biz] As a survivor of abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love her, Eagle wants to stop the abuse one in three teen girls experience. Date a Hero, Not a Zero is a home study course that empowers parents and their teens against dating violence and date rape. [http://www.eaglesport.biz/1.html] Sign up for her Date_A_Hero! Parent tips newsletter at http://home.ezezine.com/2174/

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